Wow has the time flown by; my four year career is just about over. This will also be my last post on this topic; I think I will continue to blog more in the future.
Communication in today’s world is vital in so many ways. If you have difficulties communicating you will never get to voice your opinion and you will have a very unsociable life style. Over the time while I have been writing these blogs I have become more aware of not only my ways of communication but also of others style of communication. I think that everyone should take a class on communicating. You may think you can talk that you will be a good communicator but that means nothing.
I have also learned a lot about how mediated communication as started to take such a large role in our lives today. People are getting cell phones at such a young age, cell phones are becoming essentially computers, and people are plain out addicted. The internet is providing us with so many social networks; our lives are becoming evolved around them now too.
Technology is starting to modify how we are communicating and this could cause problems. We are not getting as much face to face communication as much anymore. Which is leading to people not getting to observe others nonverbal communication.
I hope after reading my set of blogs it will create an interest for people to learn more about how important communicating is in the world today.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Am I Rhetorically Sensitive?
During my class this year we read an article called “Am I Rhetorically Sensitive” by Hart, Roderick P., and Don M. Burks. This article is simply a great article, in this article it talks about five different steps to being an effective communicator. As you have read in my previous blogs about how important communication can be. It is also very important when it comes to relationships wither it is with a friend, family, or significant other. Here is a brief summary with the five main stages from the article. I would recommend that whoever is reading this article that they take some time to check out the “Am I Rhetorically Sensitive” article.
The first step to being an effective communicator is to learn about rhetorical sensitivity. Many of us are the best at making our peacemaking through words such as persuading, negotiating, and inspiring to action. An excellent place to improve on ones effectiveness is through the form of communication. Rhetorical sensitivity basically means to clarify our purposes for communication and being aware of our intended audience and creating a language in order to reach your intended audience. According to Hart and Burks the rhetorically sensitive person tries to accept role-taking as part of the human condition, attempts to avoid stylized verbal behavior, is characteristically willing to undergo the strain of adaptation, seeks to distinguish between all information and information acceptable for communication, and tries to understand that an idea can be rendered in multi-form ways (Hart and Burk, 76).
The rhetorically sensitive person tries to accept role-taking as a part of the human condition. This pretty much saying what role do you exactly play in this world? The rhetorically sensitive person attempts to avoid stylized verbal behavior, which means they aren’t always acting in a consistent behavior around everyone. The rhetorically sensitive person is characteristically willing to undergo the strain of adaptation. This is how the world is so unpredictable and relates to how you adapt to different situations. Therefore you need to make the best of the situation and not try to please everyone because that’s too hard to accomplish.
The rhetorically sensitive person seeks to distinguish between all information acceptable for communication. Joseph Luft offers ten guidelines to facilitate decisions pertaining to self-disclosure. Yes, you can study and read scholarly articles on effective ways you communicate but it’s what your been raised to be is how you’re going to communicate.
Lastly the rhetorically sensitive person tries to understand that an idea can be rendered in multi-form ways. Your ability to adapt to the message that is being communicated to you. Maslow gives a great example on page 90 talking about coping and expressing but you can get a very good understanding when you insert “rhetorical activity” for coping to get the difference between expressing and creating rhetorical discourse.
Different communications have different purposes and different audiences. There are times where we have other audiences in mind, and have different purposes. When we engage other in communication, it is very important to think about who they are and consider the likely ways they will interpret our attempts to communicate. I think that one can be rhetorically sensitive but it is something that takes work and proper knowledge. We need to just adapt to the situation and fall back on our knowledge of who we are and what message we are to tell.
Hart, Roderick P., and Don M. Burks. "Rhetorical Sensitivity and Social Interaction." Speech Monographs 39.2 (1972): 75-91. Print.
The first step to being an effective communicator is to learn about rhetorical sensitivity. Many of us are the best at making our peacemaking through words such as persuading, negotiating, and inspiring to action. An excellent place to improve on ones effectiveness is through the form of communication. Rhetorical sensitivity basically means to clarify our purposes for communication and being aware of our intended audience and creating a language in order to reach your intended audience. According to Hart and Burks the rhetorically sensitive person tries to accept role-taking as part of the human condition, attempts to avoid stylized verbal behavior, is characteristically willing to undergo the strain of adaptation, seeks to distinguish between all information and information acceptable for communication, and tries to understand that an idea can be rendered in multi-form ways (Hart and Burk, 76).
The rhetorically sensitive person tries to accept role-taking as a part of the human condition. This pretty much saying what role do you exactly play in this world? The rhetorically sensitive person attempts to avoid stylized verbal behavior, which means they aren’t always acting in a consistent behavior around everyone. The rhetorically sensitive person is characteristically willing to undergo the strain of adaptation. This is how the world is so unpredictable and relates to how you adapt to different situations. Therefore you need to make the best of the situation and not try to please everyone because that’s too hard to accomplish.
The rhetorically sensitive person seeks to distinguish between all information acceptable for communication. Joseph Luft offers ten guidelines to facilitate decisions pertaining to self-disclosure. Yes, you can study and read scholarly articles on effective ways you communicate but it’s what your been raised to be is how you’re going to communicate.
Lastly the rhetorically sensitive person tries to understand that an idea can be rendered in multi-form ways. Your ability to adapt to the message that is being communicated to you. Maslow gives a great example on page 90 talking about coping and expressing but you can get a very good understanding when you insert “rhetorical activity” for coping to get the difference between expressing and creating rhetorical discourse.
Different communications have different purposes and different audiences. There are times where we have other audiences in mind, and have different purposes. When we engage other in communication, it is very important to think about who they are and consider the likely ways they will interpret our attempts to communicate. I think that one can be rhetorically sensitive but it is something that takes work and proper knowledge. We need to just adapt to the situation and fall back on our knowledge of who we are and what message we are to tell.
Hart, Roderick P., and Don M. Burks. "Rhetorical Sensitivity and Social Interaction." Speech Monographs 39.2 (1972): 75-91. Print.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Article I found on Building Healthy Relationships
I found this interesting list of tips in an article by Tejvan Pettinger about “Building Healthy Relationships”
1. Speak a little less, listen a little more
Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations, people will get fed up with our egoism.
If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate the conversation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?
A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our personal pride. Don’t insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.
3. Avoid Gossip
If we value someone’s friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on negative qualities. Avoid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously we don’t trust people who have a reputation for gossip. We instinctively trust and value people who don’t feel the need to criticise others.
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not just a cliché, it’s a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later bring up the old misdeed, this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.
5. Know When to Keep Silent
If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, don’t always argue against it; just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. It’s a mistake to always feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but you can’t live their life for them.
6. Right Motive
If you view friendship from the perspective of “what can I get from this?” you are making a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative. If you make friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jealousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just when you need them most. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will, irrespective of any personal gain.
7. Oneness.
The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. This means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. If you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.
For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the success of your friends. This is much better than harbouring feelings of jealousy. To develop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority and inferiority; good relationships should not be based on a judgemental approach. In essence, successful friendship depends on the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” This is the basis of healthy relationships.
8. Humour
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating. This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it — it just means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for relieving tense situations.
9. Work at Relationships but don’t over analyze
Maintaining healthy relationships doesn’t mean we have to spend several hours in the psychiatrist’s chair. It means we take a little time to consider others, remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc. But, it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating and dissecting relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity and newness, sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.
10. Concern and Detachment
Healthy relationships should be built on a degree of detachment. Here, people often make a mistake; they think that being detached means, “not caring”. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment we expect the person to behave in a certain way. When they don’t we feel miserable and try to change them. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.
Pettinger, Tejvan. "Building Healthy Relationships - PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement." Motivation and Self Improvement | PickTheBrain. 10 Sept. 2007. Web. 21 May 2010.
1. Speak a little less, listen a little more
Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations, people will get fed up with our egoism.
If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate the conversation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?
A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our personal pride. Don’t insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.
3. Avoid Gossip
If we value someone’s friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on negative qualities. Avoid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously we don’t trust people who have a reputation for gossip. We instinctively trust and value people who don’t feel the need to criticise others.
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not just a cliché, it’s a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later bring up the old misdeed, this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.
5. Know When to Keep Silent
If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, don’t always argue against it; just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. It’s a mistake to always feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but you can’t live their life for them.
6. Right Motive
If you view friendship from the perspective of “what can I get from this?” you are making a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative. If you make friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jealousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just when you need them most. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will, irrespective of any personal gain.
7. Oneness.
The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. This means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. If you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.
For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the success of your friends. This is much better than harbouring feelings of jealousy. To develop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority and inferiority; good relationships should not be based on a judgemental approach. In essence, successful friendship depends on the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” This is the basis of healthy relationships.
8. Humour
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating. This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it — it just means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for relieving tense situations.
9. Work at Relationships but don’t over analyze
Maintaining healthy relationships doesn’t mean we have to spend several hours in the psychiatrist’s chair. It means we take a little time to consider others, remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc. But, it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating and dissecting relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity and newness, sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.
10. Concern and Detachment
Healthy relationships should be built on a degree of detachment. Here, people often make a mistake; they think that being detached means, “not caring”. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment we expect the person to behave in a certain way. When they don’t we feel miserable and try to change them. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.
Pettinger, Tejvan. "Building Healthy Relationships - PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement." Motivation and Self Improvement | PickTheBrain. 10 Sept. 2007. Web. 21 May 2010.
Communication is important in a relationship
Well first things first.. I still have not gotten the courage to talk to my roommate about his problem. I feel that if I do he will realize that I’ve been watching him all this time and ya.. I’m going to wait some more.
If any relationship is going to be a healthy one is must have some effect communication. With communication you are able to share your interest, and concerns you might possible have, you can support your spouse with their decisions, and it creates a happy healthy relationship. You also need your communication to be effective by taking time to listen and talk to them. You must improve all areas of your communication to be effective. Words are not the only thing that you need to be an effective communicator. You actions are also observed very closely too and sometimes we send some that we don’t mean to and it creates a misunderstanding.
Nonverbal can say a lot without saying a word. The expression on your face, your posture, and the tone of your voice all has the compatibility to send a message even if you’re unaware of it. If our words are fitting with our feelings it then comes down to body language that they notice. Nonverbal communication can send a message faster than you realize. Nonverbal can create an image of you for someone because it can be very easy for one to pick up of what your mood is like. To avoid having a negative look about you, you need to clear your mind of all distractions before you proceed with what your intentions are. You can simply plan it out in your head how you’re going to act as a way to clear your mind, you can think about the person and maybe that will make you relax a bit. You should also keep in mind that you need to observe the nonverbal cues too, to be able to fully understand the conversation and their thoughts. Emotions speak the loudest of all emotions you can present.
Communication is very necessary in order to keep what you have or gain what you want. You need to be loving and understanding, even though I have talked a lot about how important communication is, it still seems that people are very unclear about what good communication really is. Nothing else can keep a relationship strong and healthy then being able to understand your partner. You will become aware of different ways to communicate once you become familiar with each other and learn more about them.
Don’t forget that is can be easily noticed of other people’s mistakes. You also need to be very careful because it is extremely hard to keep an eye on yourself. I have noticed and I’m sure it can be the same for others and that is being able to accept criticism, even if it is from you.
This is very serious so make sure you pay close attention to this last information. You need to understand that communication is not about who is right or wrong, it is about helping others out to see things from another person’s perspective. This will then help you be on the same page and possible avoid any misunderstand or arguments that you can prevent. This is not a very complicated issue once you understand a proper way to be able to communicate and what works and what doesn’t work for you, it will come naturally. It takes more than one person to be an effective communicator. With you and another person working together you both will be open and willing to work as a team to improve both of your communication skills. This will then lead to an enhancement of your relationship skills and will build your relationship in more ways than you would ever think it would have gotten.
If any relationship is going to be a healthy one is must have some effect communication. With communication you are able to share your interest, and concerns you might possible have, you can support your spouse with their decisions, and it creates a happy healthy relationship. You also need your communication to be effective by taking time to listen and talk to them. You must improve all areas of your communication to be effective. Words are not the only thing that you need to be an effective communicator. You actions are also observed very closely too and sometimes we send some that we don’t mean to and it creates a misunderstanding.
Nonverbal can say a lot without saying a word. The expression on your face, your posture, and the tone of your voice all has the compatibility to send a message even if you’re unaware of it. If our words are fitting with our feelings it then comes down to body language that they notice. Nonverbal communication can send a message faster than you realize. Nonverbal can create an image of you for someone because it can be very easy for one to pick up of what your mood is like. To avoid having a negative look about you, you need to clear your mind of all distractions before you proceed with what your intentions are. You can simply plan it out in your head how you’re going to act as a way to clear your mind, you can think about the person and maybe that will make you relax a bit. You should also keep in mind that you need to observe the nonverbal cues too, to be able to fully understand the conversation and their thoughts. Emotions speak the loudest of all emotions you can present.
Communication is very necessary in order to keep what you have or gain what you want. You need to be loving and understanding, even though I have talked a lot about how important communication is, it still seems that people are very unclear about what good communication really is. Nothing else can keep a relationship strong and healthy then being able to understand your partner. You will become aware of different ways to communicate once you become familiar with each other and learn more about them.
Don’t forget that is can be easily noticed of other people’s mistakes. You also need to be very careful because it is extremely hard to keep an eye on yourself. I have noticed and I’m sure it can be the same for others and that is being able to accept criticism, even if it is from you.
This is very serious so make sure you pay close attention to this last information. You need to understand that communication is not about who is right or wrong, it is about helping others out to see things from another person’s perspective. This will then help you be on the same page and possible avoid any misunderstand or arguments that you can prevent. This is not a very complicated issue once you understand a proper way to be able to communicate and what works and what doesn’t work for you, it will come naturally. It takes more than one person to be an effective communicator. With you and another person working together you both will be open and willing to work as a team to improve both of your communication skills. This will then lead to an enhancement of your relationship skills and will build your relationship in more ways than you would ever think it would have gotten.
Reactions to Relationship rule and observation
In regards to a recent post about Relationship Rule, I would like to relate that to a previous observation or a couple I had once posted about. I feel that the relationship rule is very key in regards to relationships today. We must give the up most respect for our partners and we hope that they turn around and give us the same type of respect.
Like I said in my recent post that the relationship rule is one that is summed up to no violence wither it be verbal or nonverbal. I would also like to make it clear that in the relationship that I will referring to there is no violent behavior in the relationship. I just think this rule relates greatly to how important nonverbal communication can be in a relationship. The couple the I observed followed this rule to a “T” while I was watching them. I think the reasoning for this is simply because they were out to eat, they knew who I was, and they were in a public place. But still when they are at home I never see them fight or anything in person. But then he always tells me about their arguments and I’ve put the assumption together that these arguments are coming over text. This is almost like breaking the relationship rule I feel, because they are acting in a violent way and either one of them have no clue how the really feels or is thinking, Trying to have a serious conversation over text is the worst possible think that you could do. You can’t see their emotions, you can’t tell their tone of voice, and it’s just wrong! It’s very hard for me to sit back and observe this because I don’t want to get involved in their life but then again I don’t want them to have a bad habit get worse. Maybe if I can get enough courage I will have a chat with him to see what he thinks about the whole deal.
Like I said in my recent post that the relationship rule is one that is summed up to no violence wither it be verbal or nonverbal. I would also like to make it clear that in the relationship that I will referring to there is no violent behavior in the relationship. I just think this rule relates greatly to how important nonverbal communication can be in a relationship. The couple the I observed followed this rule to a “T” while I was watching them. I think the reasoning for this is simply because they were out to eat, they knew who I was, and they were in a public place. But still when they are at home I never see them fight or anything in person. But then he always tells me about their arguments and I’ve put the assumption together that these arguments are coming over text. This is almost like breaking the relationship rule I feel, because they are acting in a violent way and either one of them have no clue how the really feels or is thinking, Trying to have a serious conversation over text is the worst possible think that you could do. You can’t see their emotions, you can’t tell their tone of voice, and it’s just wrong! It’s very hard for me to sit back and observe this because I don’t want to get involved in their life but then again I don’t want them to have a bad habit get worse. Maybe if I can get enough courage I will have a chat with him to see what he thinks about the whole deal.
Relationship Rule
I feel that the relationship rule applies to this scenario where it is a statement of the redundancies observed at the relationship level, even over a diverse range of content areas. Everyone has their own understanding of what they think a good relationship is to them. This rule can be put simply as “I only give and I only accept respectful communication, or in other terms I do not give, nor do I accept abusive communication.”
I think that this rule has a very large role within nonverbal communication because it is about both actions and words. The rule is based on your tone of voice, no negative actions (rolling of eyeballs, name-calling or insults), and doesn’t use disrespect upon communication. This can be huge for a marriage because it keeps them in check in terms of having a safe and loving family. But we all know that this isn’t for anyone because we are human and we make lots of mistakes.
The way a person is raised can relate to how they act today. If someone is raised in a house full of vulgar language, drama, and hurtful behavior it could be hard for one to follow the Relationship Rule. Again we are human and we can adjust, learn and become a different person if you put your mind to it.
I think that this rule has a very large role within nonverbal communication because it is about both actions and words. The rule is based on your tone of voice, no negative actions (rolling of eyeballs, name-calling or insults), and doesn’t use disrespect upon communication. This can be huge for a marriage because it keeps them in check in terms of having a safe and loving family. But we all know that this isn’t for anyone because we are human and we make lots of mistakes.
The way a person is raised can relate to how they act today. If someone is raised in a house full of vulgar language, drama, and hurtful behavior it could be hard for one to follow the Relationship Rule. Again we are human and we can adjust, learn and become a different person if you put your mind to it.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Observation
Observation of my Roommate and his Girlfriend
On April 14, 2010, I observed two people; Roommate and Girlfriend. The observation took place at Westwood, a local restaurant, beginning at 5:34 p.m. and ending observation at 6:15 p.m. I happened to be working and they were unaware of it so it created for a fun night. I ended up serving their table for the evening, enabling myself to observe them closely. The restaurant hadn’t been very busy this night so it was easy to observe, leaving them one of three tables in the smoking section, normally filled with eight. Even though I knew them both very well, I could tell they were out to eat to spend some time together so I let them have their space. Time and time again, I would check up on them and create some small talk but nothing into a deep conversation. Along with the outside light fading, the lighting indoors was dim, making the dining experience feel more quiet and intimate. The background noise was filled with a light roar of other group’s conversations, and a jazz station played quietly from the speakers overhead.
Roommate Observation
The Roommate was a male around the age of 22. He was tall and thin with a short blonde haircut and brown eyes. The first nonverbal observation I made of the Roommate was the way he was dressed. He had on a green stripped-collared, button-down shirt and a pair of dark jeans. His clothing was coordinated with a pair of brown suede shoes. It seemed as if he took time to put this outfit together. This was quiet interesting because he usually doesn’t dress up to often, so I knew it was a special time for the two of them. Another nonverbal observation I made was his smell. As soon as I approached the table, I caught a subtle whiff of male cologne. The smell, however, was not overbearing.
The next few observations involve his interactions with his Girlfriend. My roommate was consistently reaching across the table and holding his Girlfriend’s hand. Whenever possible, he was touching her in some way—whether holding her hand or rubbing her arm. Another observation was his use of personal space. Upon walking to the table, Roommate had his arm around his Girlfriend and was holding her close. There was no personal space needed for Roommate in this instance. A fourth observation is the eye movement. He would hold deep and prolonged eye contact with his Girlfriend whenever he was talking to her, or vice versa. As an observer, I could tell my Roommate was deeply involved in the conversation at all times. I also took note of my Roommate’s facial expression throughout the observation. Roommate was generally smiling throughout the evening, clearly enjoying himself. I could observe many times of laughter, and took note of no negative expressions. There was one this that was pondering my mind as the night went on, where was his phone? My Roommate is addicted to his phone and I hadn’t seen it yet.
Along the lines of laughter, another observation I observed was Roommate’s tone. I was able to observe this closely walking by their table several times throughout the night. Roommate had a deep, gentle voice that stayed at a fairly steady low volume throughout dinner. He spoke fairly fast, but I think he was simply excited to be with his Girlfriend; trying to fit in as much as he could. His laughter was low and hearty, but stayed near the volume he spoke. He also used a lot of hand gestures. His stories were filled with help from his hands and arms. He was quite animated and looked excited to be talking. At one point it looked as if he was trying to describe a house using hand gestures.
One last nonverbal observation I will mention is that of Roommate’s posture. He generally sat hunched over the table, rarely sitting up straight. Combined with the other nonverbal observations, this posture suggests he wanted to be as near to Girlfriend as possible.
Roommate's Girlfriend Observation
The Girlfriend was a female around the age of 21. She was about 5 ½ feet tall with a slender build and shoulder-length brown hair. The first nonverbal observation I made about Girlfriend was the way she dressed. She had a knee-length black skirt paired with a light blue sweater. This outfit suggested she was dressed up for a special event. However, her black flip-flops brought a casual side to her outfit, which I view as having a laid-back personality.
Several of the nonverbal observations I made involved her interactions with my Roommate. She was very touchy, always reaching for, or holding, Roommate’s hand. I translated these nonverbal cues to show her affection for Roommate. As was with Roommate, Girlfriend also had little need for personal space. Upon walking to the table, she had her arms wrapped around Roommate’s waist. I also noticed this same behavior when leaving the restaurant. A similar nonverbal observation was made with Girlfriend’s posture. She seemed to be leaning over the table the majority of the time, rather than sitting back in her seat. I saw this as her wanting to be as close to my Roommate as possible. Her posture, along with her lack of personal space, and touchy actions, shows that she cares for Roommate.
Girlfriend’s eye contact was not as intense as that of Roommate’s. Girlfriend would always look at Roommate when he was talking, but the contact was not as prolonged as Roommate’s was towards Girlfriend. I found that Girlfriend would look around at her surroundings more and did not seem as involved with the conversation at all times like Roommate. I could tell, however, that she did care for and enjoyed being around Roommate.
Girlfriend had a soft, high pitched voice. She giggled quite often. She spoke concretely with well thought out sentences. Roommate seemed to be doing most of the talking, leaving Girlfriend listening for the majority of the dinner. This may be one reason why her eye contact would bounce around. She had a friendly voice that was distinct among the other voices around her. A last observation, which accompanies Girlfriend’s giggling, was her facial expressions. I could tell from the smile on her face that she was enjoying her dinner with Roommate. Her smile was genuine. This was mirrored between both of them, which strongly suggested they both enjoyed their time together.
CLOSURE
In conclusion, it appears Roommate and Girlfriend was on a date. From the way they were dressed to the way they laughed, it was apparent they were out to celebrate some alone time together. The observations made it clear to me that they enjoy their time together and enjoyed their dinner and the company that particular night. Their similar nonverbal cues of holding hands, lack of personal space, posture, and happy facial expression confirmed they were on a date and that they care for each other. I am confident in my conclusion because the nonverbal cues were so clear. This was very interesting time for me because as a roommate of Roommate and a Friend of Roommate. I didn’t want to be nosey during their time together for this special evening. So as the server I was, I acted just like any other server would, along with noting my observations. The most intriguing observation to be was the non use of cell phone. Living with Roommate for two years and have know for about four years, I was shocked that he didn’t take his phone out once. This was quiet odd for me because Roommate is always on his phone. My assumption would be that it was a special time together and they could of said no use of phones while out to eat. I enjoyed observing and serving this couple
Like I said in my closure this was a very interesting night for a few reasons. The first is I was working at the restaurant they decided to spend their special evening at. Which later to find out they were celebrating their anniversary of dating for two years. I thought that this was a very interesting observation on the couple because it was very different then how I normally see them act when they are at our house. I truly was honestly shocked that their relationship was very strong like this, I was impressed! I also later found out my assumption about them not having their phones was correct. They wanted to enjoy the night together and not have the phone be a distraction to their special night. The next day when my roommate was asking me how the night finished off after he left, I made mention to him about not having his phone and he said I simply just left it at home. He agreed that it was very difficult and he caught himself reaching for his phone in his pocket but it was nowhere to be found. In my observation of the two at dinner I was very aware of the nonverbal communication and how important it is to have a healthy relationship. In my next log I will be talking about nonverbal communication in depth.
On April 14, 2010, I observed two people; Roommate and Girlfriend. The observation took place at Westwood, a local restaurant, beginning at 5:34 p.m. and ending observation at 6:15 p.m. I happened to be working and they were unaware of it so it created for a fun night. I ended up serving their table for the evening, enabling myself to observe them closely. The restaurant hadn’t been very busy this night so it was easy to observe, leaving them one of three tables in the smoking section, normally filled with eight. Even though I knew them both very well, I could tell they were out to eat to spend some time together so I let them have their space. Time and time again, I would check up on them and create some small talk but nothing into a deep conversation. Along with the outside light fading, the lighting indoors was dim, making the dining experience feel more quiet and intimate. The background noise was filled with a light roar of other group’s conversations, and a jazz station played quietly from the speakers overhead.
Roommate Observation
The Roommate was a male around the age of 22. He was tall and thin with a short blonde haircut and brown eyes. The first nonverbal observation I made of the Roommate was the way he was dressed. He had on a green stripped-collared, button-down shirt and a pair of dark jeans. His clothing was coordinated with a pair of brown suede shoes. It seemed as if he took time to put this outfit together. This was quiet interesting because he usually doesn’t dress up to often, so I knew it was a special time for the two of them. Another nonverbal observation I made was his smell. As soon as I approached the table, I caught a subtle whiff of male cologne. The smell, however, was not overbearing.
The next few observations involve his interactions with his Girlfriend. My roommate was consistently reaching across the table and holding his Girlfriend’s hand. Whenever possible, he was touching her in some way—whether holding her hand or rubbing her arm. Another observation was his use of personal space. Upon walking to the table, Roommate had his arm around his Girlfriend and was holding her close. There was no personal space needed for Roommate in this instance. A fourth observation is the eye movement. He would hold deep and prolonged eye contact with his Girlfriend whenever he was talking to her, or vice versa. As an observer, I could tell my Roommate was deeply involved in the conversation at all times. I also took note of my Roommate’s facial expression throughout the observation. Roommate was generally smiling throughout the evening, clearly enjoying himself. I could observe many times of laughter, and took note of no negative expressions. There was one this that was pondering my mind as the night went on, where was his phone? My Roommate is addicted to his phone and I hadn’t seen it yet.
Along the lines of laughter, another observation I observed was Roommate’s tone. I was able to observe this closely walking by their table several times throughout the night. Roommate had a deep, gentle voice that stayed at a fairly steady low volume throughout dinner. He spoke fairly fast, but I think he was simply excited to be with his Girlfriend; trying to fit in as much as he could. His laughter was low and hearty, but stayed near the volume he spoke. He also used a lot of hand gestures. His stories were filled with help from his hands and arms. He was quite animated and looked excited to be talking. At one point it looked as if he was trying to describe a house using hand gestures.
One last nonverbal observation I will mention is that of Roommate’s posture. He generally sat hunched over the table, rarely sitting up straight. Combined with the other nonverbal observations, this posture suggests he wanted to be as near to Girlfriend as possible.
Roommate's Girlfriend Observation
The Girlfriend was a female around the age of 21. She was about 5 ½ feet tall with a slender build and shoulder-length brown hair. The first nonverbal observation I made about Girlfriend was the way she dressed. She had a knee-length black skirt paired with a light blue sweater. This outfit suggested she was dressed up for a special event. However, her black flip-flops brought a casual side to her outfit, which I view as having a laid-back personality.
Several of the nonverbal observations I made involved her interactions with my Roommate. She was very touchy, always reaching for, or holding, Roommate’s hand. I translated these nonverbal cues to show her affection for Roommate. As was with Roommate, Girlfriend also had little need for personal space. Upon walking to the table, she had her arms wrapped around Roommate’s waist. I also noticed this same behavior when leaving the restaurant. A similar nonverbal observation was made with Girlfriend’s posture. She seemed to be leaning over the table the majority of the time, rather than sitting back in her seat. I saw this as her wanting to be as close to my Roommate as possible. Her posture, along with her lack of personal space, and touchy actions, shows that she cares for Roommate.
Girlfriend’s eye contact was not as intense as that of Roommate’s. Girlfriend would always look at Roommate when he was talking, but the contact was not as prolonged as Roommate’s was towards Girlfriend. I found that Girlfriend would look around at her surroundings more and did not seem as involved with the conversation at all times like Roommate. I could tell, however, that she did care for and enjoyed being around Roommate.
Girlfriend had a soft, high pitched voice. She giggled quite often. She spoke concretely with well thought out sentences. Roommate seemed to be doing most of the talking, leaving Girlfriend listening for the majority of the dinner. This may be one reason why her eye contact would bounce around. She had a friendly voice that was distinct among the other voices around her. A last observation, which accompanies Girlfriend’s giggling, was her facial expressions. I could tell from the smile on her face that she was enjoying her dinner with Roommate. Her smile was genuine. This was mirrored between both of them, which strongly suggested they both enjoyed their time together.
CLOSURE
In conclusion, it appears Roommate and Girlfriend was on a date. From the way they were dressed to the way they laughed, it was apparent they were out to celebrate some alone time together. The observations made it clear to me that they enjoy their time together and enjoyed their dinner and the company that particular night. Their similar nonverbal cues of holding hands, lack of personal space, posture, and happy facial expression confirmed they were on a date and that they care for each other. I am confident in my conclusion because the nonverbal cues were so clear. This was very interesting time for me because as a roommate of Roommate and a Friend of Roommate. I didn’t want to be nosey during their time together for this special evening. So as the server I was, I acted just like any other server would, along with noting my observations. The most intriguing observation to be was the non use of cell phone. Living with Roommate for two years and have know for about four years, I was shocked that he didn’t take his phone out once. This was quiet odd for me because Roommate is always on his phone. My assumption would be that it was a special time together and they could of said no use of phones while out to eat. I enjoyed observing and serving this couple
Like I said in my closure this was a very interesting night for a few reasons. The first is I was working at the restaurant they decided to spend their special evening at. Which later to find out they were celebrating their anniversary of dating for two years. I thought that this was a very interesting observation on the couple because it was very different then how I normally see them act when they are at our house. I truly was honestly shocked that their relationship was very strong like this, I was impressed! I also later found out my assumption about them not having their phones was correct. They wanted to enjoy the night together and not have the phone be a distraction to their special night. The next day when my roommate was asking me how the night finished off after he left, I made mention to him about not having his phone and he said I simply just left it at home. He agreed that it was very difficult and he caught himself reaching for his phone in his pocket but it was nowhere to be found. In my observation of the two at dinner I was very aware of the nonverbal communication and how important it is to have a healthy relationship. In my next log I will be talking about nonverbal communication in depth.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Texting Roommate
Relationships are a very important part of everyone lives. Relationships make up our human experience. We have relationships with every person in our lives. In a class called Authentic Relationships, I have been learning about different ways people communicate with electronic devices. Communication is a very important part to everyone lives. If you are unable to communicate you will live a very sheltered life. I have experienced a variety of different types of relationships over the four years of college.
The first relationship I would like to start with is a roommate I have been living with for the past two years, but have known all four years of college. He is a person who lives and dies by his phone. He is a person who always has to have his phone on him all the time. If you were to take his phone from him like we have before, he will get a little tense and upset. It’s very interesting how attached he has been to his phone since I met him. I would be very eager to know how many text messages he actually sends in a month compared to minutes he actually uses. When he has his phone on him it actually gets kind of annoying. My reasoning for this is because he doesn’t turn his phone on vibrating or silent, so when he is texting someone of keeps getting texts it makes a noise when he gets a text. And even better, when the text is sent his phone beeps twice to inform him the text sent. So after a while it can get very annoying with him texting someone. Another feature his new phone has is internet and games, so we thought he was on his phone quiet often before. Now it’s even worse because he has games on it and he can surf the internet. The real question is how he is perceived by others in terms of a “Friend” or “Communication”. The reason I bring this up is because there will be times when I call him to ask him a question or for a favor and he won’t answer. Then a few minutes later I will receive a text from him saying “Hey what’s up”. This really gets to me because if someone calls you, wouldn’t you expect to call them back. But that’s not the case for this roommate. I feel that he has gotten so addicted to his phone; texting is his way of communication. You will very rarely see him make a phone call or receive a phone call, because everyone knows he will respond to a text sooner than he does a phone call.
This brings me to my next point. In regards to conversation with his girlfriend, again it’s always over text. They have arguments, conversations, ect. over the form of texting. You wonder how strong this relationship can really get. Because when you’re brought face to face are you able to talk to each other the same way you do over text. I think not… Over text you can say almost whatever you want, because you’re not getting their reaction in person.
This is where the sender – receiver model comes into play where I read about in “I am a Camera”. In this article in terms of the sender receiver it talks about how the sender and receiver can create an image that you want to be or represent. It is very easy to do this because you are controlling what you say. It can be very confusing on the receiver side because sometime it’s hard to tell what type of message is being sent. Understand what type of mood someone is in can be very difficult to understand. Over text you are unable to get the non-verbal’s the sender is trying to present and you are unable to hear the tone in their voice.
The first relationship I would like to start with is a roommate I have been living with for the past two years, but have known all four years of college. He is a person who lives and dies by his phone. He is a person who always has to have his phone on him all the time. If you were to take his phone from him like we have before, he will get a little tense and upset. It’s very interesting how attached he has been to his phone since I met him. I would be very eager to know how many text messages he actually sends in a month compared to minutes he actually uses. When he has his phone on him it actually gets kind of annoying. My reasoning for this is because he doesn’t turn his phone on vibrating or silent, so when he is texting someone of keeps getting texts it makes a noise when he gets a text. And even better, when the text is sent his phone beeps twice to inform him the text sent. So after a while it can get very annoying with him texting someone. Another feature his new phone has is internet and games, so we thought he was on his phone quiet often before. Now it’s even worse because he has games on it and he can surf the internet. The real question is how he is perceived by others in terms of a “Friend” or “Communication”. The reason I bring this up is because there will be times when I call him to ask him a question or for a favor and he won’t answer. Then a few minutes later I will receive a text from him saying “Hey what’s up”. This really gets to me because if someone calls you, wouldn’t you expect to call them back. But that’s not the case for this roommate. I feel that he has gotten so addicted to his phone; texting is his way of communication. You will very rarely see him make a phone call or receive a phone call, because everyone knows he will respond to a text sooner than he does a phone call.
This brings me to my next point. In regards to conversation with his girlfriend, again it’s always over text. They have arguments, conversations, ect. over the form of texting. You wonder how strong this relationship can really get. Because when you’re brought face to face are you able to talk to each other the same way you do over text. I think not… Over text you can say almost whatever you want, because you’re not getting their reaction in person.
This is where the sender – receiver model comes into play where I read about in “I am a Camera”. In this article in terms of the sender receiver it talks about how the sender and receiver can create an image that you want to be or represent. It is very easy to do this because you are controlling what you say. It can be very confusing on the receiver side because sometime it’s hard to tell what type of message is being sent. Understand what type of mood someone is in can be very difficult to understand. Over text you are unable to get the non-verbal’s the sender is trying to present and you are unable to hear the tone in their voice.
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